By How to Use Your Brain to Have Better Sex
The Brain is the biggest sex organ and this is what Jill Hamilton has to say
Forget about the latest sex toys, potions, or acrobatic tricks. According to sex experts, the most effective way to elevate your sex life may be to focus on something much simpler: your mind. It turns out, a more mindful approach—concentrating on the present moment—can lead to heightened desire, increased arousal, and even more satisfying orgasms. Here’s why your brain can be your best sex partner.
Mindfulness: A Gateway to Better Sex
Sexual satisfaction isn’t just a physical experience—it’s deeply tied to your mental state. Research has shown that when the brain switches off during orgasm, it’s the same area that shuts down during mindful activities like meditation. “When you’re in the moment, your brain is engaged in a type of focused attention that allows your body to respond more freely,” says Laurie Mintz, PhD, a University of Florida psychology professor and author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex. In essence, focusing on the sensations of the present moment can put your brain in the ideal state for transcendent sex.
This mindful approach doesn’t just heighten arousal; it can be incredibly helpful for overcoming sexual dysfunction. According to Lori Brotto, PhD, director of the Sexual Health Laboratory at the University of British Columbia, mindfulness can address issues like genital pain, low libido, and difficulty reaching orgasm.
How to Cultivate Mindfulness for Better Sex
Mindfulness isn’t just reserved for meditation sessions or therapy—it can be incorporated into your daily life and sexual experiences. Here’s how to put your brain to work for better intimacy:
1. Make Mindfulness a Habit
Start practicing presence throughout the day. It’s not about focusing on what you’re doing but immersing yourself fully in the experience. Whether you’re showering or brushing your teeth, be conscious of all your senses—feel the water’s temperature on your skin, the bristles on your tongue, the scent of your shampoo. “When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the sensations,” Mintz advises. If you master mindfulness in your daily life, you’ll find it much easier to use during more intimate moments.
2. Be a Lazy Self-Lover
Another way to tap into your brain’s power is to indulge in “tantric masturbation”—an unhurried, exploratory form of self-pleasure. “Tantra is about slow, meditative sex without any pressure or expectations,” says Jennifer Foust, PhD, a sex therapist. Embrace the sensations, let go of any judgment or performance goals, and explore your body with curiosity and openness.
3. Ask Your Body How It’s Feeling
To deepen your awareness, try an erotic meditation. Sit cross-legged, close your eyes, and gently touch your body. Ask yourself how it feels—how does your skin, or more specifically your vagina, feel in the moment? Pamela Madsen, founder of Back to the Body retreats for women, encourages a technique that asks you to tune into the sensations of a specific area of your body. It might sound unconventional, but this technique is simply an extension of mindfulness practices that ask you to focus on sensations and breath.
4. Rediscover Your Partner
Sex can become routine after a while. To reignite the spark, practice “partnered mindful touch.” Instead of rushing through familiar movements, treat each other as if you’re new lovers. Explore one another’s bodies with curiosity and care, focusing on mutual pleasure rather than an agenda. “Partnered touch allows both people to experience each other’s pleasure, deepening the connection,” says Janet Brito, PhD, a sex therapist.
5. Let Go of the Pressure for Orgasm
Sometimes, the best sex happens when you stop fixating on the end goal—orgasm. Pressure to climax can create mental distractions, ultimately sabotaging the experience. If you’re struggling to achieve orgasm, try to simply enjoy the sensations and the emotional connection without stressing over whether you’ll reach that final peak. “Sex is about the journey, not just the destination,” says Mintz.
6. Use Your Senses
When your mind starts to wander—perhaps thinking about your to-do list or whether you remembered to pay the bills—use your senses to pull yourself back into the moment. A simple technique is the “five senses” exercise. Focus on one sensation at a time: how your partner tastes, the feel of their skin, the sounds they make, the beauty of their body, and any sensations on your own body. “Notice how each sensation makes you feel, allowing yourself to be swept away by the experience,” says intimacy expert Maisha Aza.
Mindfulness, whether practiced alone or with a partner, has the potential to change the way you experience sex, taking it from routine to transcendent. By embracing the sensations and staying present, you’ll unlock a deeper connection—both with your own body and with those you share your bed with.
